As you have probably guessed by now, Mark and I DVR entirely too much t.v., particularly reality shows. In line with that, I was watching yesterdays episode of Tia and Tamara earlier in the day. You may be wondering why I watch that you show. The answer, I have no idea, but I do. It's not particularly good but I watch it anyway! Anyhow, the topic of the episode was keeping it spicy in the bedroom after years of marriage. So, one of the sister's ends up taking an S Factor pole dancing class where she learns a sexy striptease routine. This triggered a memory from when I was in law school and living with Mark in Vegas.
S Factor had just started to become popular and I wanted to know what all of the hype was all about so I ordered a few of the videos. They were a bit corny but I thought it would be fun to learn a stupid little routine and surprise Mark with it. Sparing everyone the details, he loved it! I was so proud of myself and excited about how ripped my arms could get if I only had a pole to practice on. And so began my campaign to convince Mark to let me install a pole in his house. He immediately shot me down for fear that people (particularly my parents) would see metal devices in the floor and ceiling and wonder what weird, kinky stuff we were into. I was appalled. I couldn't believe that a man would refuse to allow a stripper pole in his house! As some of you may know, as Mark has gotten older, he shockingly, has become a bit more conservative. Get him around some old friends and pump him with a few drinks and college-boy Mark, aka Mase, aka Clore, comes out, rearing it's ugly head. Anyhow, no matter how much I tried, I could not convince him to let me get a stripper pole so the topic was forgotten about...until today.
Back to the stripper episode...Igot all excited about the pole again and thought, maybe just maybe, I can convince him to let me get a pole now. I mean, we've been together for eleven years, we're married, we have kids, so our parents clearly know that we do the hibbity, why shouldn't I be allowed to install a pole?
So, I hop on the internet and start to do some research on a good, sturdy pole. I'm thinking that I will surprise Mark and there will be no way he can say no. And then....I remembered that I'm pregnant. This little fact quickly put a damper on my excitement. I'm not sad that I'm pregnant, I just can't stop thinking that no one in their right mind wants to see a pregnant woman on a pole! The vision I had of myself looking like I did in college, whipping myself around a pole and performing a fabulous routine quickly dissipated and was replaced by myself as I am now....very pregnant. If I were to try that crap now, I most likely wouldn't be able to pull myself to the top, I'd probably fall and crack my head open, my belly would hit the pole and stop my body from twirling oh so delicately in quick circles and I'd probably accidentally let a toot escape with the exertion needed to act like a stripper (come on ladies....you know you can get a little gassy while pregnant).
Therefore, I have made my decision.....there will be no installing a pole in my immediate future. I do have to whip myself into shape for my little brother and Tanya's wedding later this year. That big event, coupled with the desire to look smoking hot for my husband may be some motivation for me to work even harder at it. Until then, goodbye stripper pole....goodbye!
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