And the Trent Monster is Back in Full Effect

One of the reasons why I haven't been blogging as much recently is because nothing particularly hysterical or catastrophic has happened lately (in addition to my focusing on my writing, the holidays, etc.). All in all, with Trent able to now have a conversation, he has been very well behaved. Obviously, he has the occasional temper tantrum; after all, he is two, but for the most part, he has been really good.

Until today...

First, Trent bound into Jagger's room bright and early this morning, crawled into his crib which obviously woke the baby up and it was his first night of sleeping through the night!!

Next, I had to wrestle him into the car so that I could go to the grocery store. He screamed hysterically the entire way to the store, demanding one of the best snacks in the world...Cheese-Its. I tried to explain that that was one of the things we were going to get at the store but he wanted them right now. Thus, he screamed the whole way there while I silently swore in my head that there was no way that he was going to get the damn Cheese-Its with that kind of behavior.

Once at the store, the baby was strapped into the Bjorn and can I tell you, lugging around a 23 pound baby on my chest is painful but it is what I have to do if I am going to have a cart too full to fit the carrier and the groceries. Trent was sitting in the seat, asking me when he was going to get his "treats." As I was waiting for the woman to slice the lunch meat, the baby began to scream. I promptly opened my purse and pulled out a bag of Cheerios not knowing that it wasn't sealed. As I whipped it out of my purse, Cheerios went flying. An entire Ziplock of cheerios, I might add. Embarrassed, I fell to my hands and knees and began to pick up each Cheerio one by one while Jagger screamed hysterically and two store employees stared at from ten feet away. Two! I apologized profusely, hoping they would tell me not to worry about it and that they would send someone to clean it up but they didn't. So, I crawled around on all fours, ass in the air and Jagger hanging on to dear life.

As I was walking from aisle to aisle, collecting the things I needed, we passed the seafood counter which was a huge mistake. Trent, thinking we were at the store with the lobster tank, began to scream for the "yobbers" over and over and over. I tried explaining that the lobsters were at the other store which seemed to calm him down for a second until he saw the lobster tails and the crabs on ice in the display. He then very nicely asked if he could see them. I didn't see the harm in that so I carted him over to the counter and let him stare at the tails and crabs which made him ridiculously happy. After a minute or two, I began to wheel him away. He then began to have a meltdown. A screaming at the top of his lungs, crying, hands balled into fists and shaking meltdown.

I tried distracting him by pointing other things out he would like. I tried hugging him. I tried threatening him that if he didn't stop screaming, he would not get his treats. Nothing worked. I was now getting the judgmental looks from other customers...the ones that scream, "Why are you such a bad parent? Why can't you control your child?" I started to become quite embarrassed. I had tried everything to calm him down, nothing worked so I thought it best to practically sprint through the rest of the store and ignore his tantrum. I then began to get the looks that screamed, "Why are you letting your kid scream like that? What aren't you doing anything?" I wanted to shout back, "I have no other choice!" I also wanted to explain that ignoring such bad behavior is actually what our pediatrician and most parenting books tell you to do! One time, an old lady told me that if Trent was her kid (this was a long time ago), she would take him out of the cart right then and spank him. I very politely told her that yes, I could do that and make her happy but I could run the risk of some nosey stranger call CPS on me for abusing my child for a mere spanking (I know someone that happened to). I'll run the risk of ignoring my kid rather than undergo a CPS investigation!

So, I was jamming through the store while Trent was screaming because he was pissed and Jagger was screaming (he never screams) because he's teething. Trent finally began to calm down when a store employee came up to us and handed us a free potted plant. I graciously accepted it as she moved on to other customers, handing out these plants. Trent was happy just smelling that stupid flower until, and you know there is an 'until,' he spotted a bag of M & M's. For the love of God, why do store pack the middle of the aisles with displays of crap meant to entice children? The candy in the dairy section, for crying out loud. It wasn't even near the candy aisle which I purposefully avoid because of this exact scenario! Trent then began to scream for the M & M's! I told him there was no way he was getting the candy just as we pulled up to the cashier. What did he do? He looked right at me, picked up the plant the nice lady had just given him and tossed it into the back of the cart like it was nothing. I felt like I was in slow motion...I could see myself leaping toward the flying plant, one arm outstretched in an effort to catch in, the other holding Jagger's head so it didn't flail about, my mouth opening unattractively, practically screaming, "Trent, NOOOOOOO!"

I did not catch the plant. Soil spewed all over the groceries. Trent continued to scream for the M & M's. Other customers flashed me the look of death. I frantically began to apologize to the cashier while my eyes welled with tears.

I think the good old employees and customers of Smith's were very happy when we walked out of the store today.

The silver lining in my day so far is when Trent (for the second day in a row) sniffed the air dramatically and then announced for the store to hear as I was paying for the groceries, "Mommy, I have mud butt." I didn't know whether to smile (how could you not? It is kind of funny) or strangle my little turd of a son.

We stopped by my old work to say hi to a friend when Trent escaped my grasp and ran straight for the street. I had to toss my Starbucks aside and run like lighting with Jagger in my arms, so that I could grab Trent before he hit the traffic.

Lastly, right when I was getting the baby ready for his nap, Trent snuck onto the counter and opened the microwave which was where I had Mark's brownies hidden. I came out of the nursery and found Trent hacking into the brownies with a fork. I told him that he is not supposed to be on the counter and that he does not deserve a brownie due to his bad behavior and he lost his mind. Naturally, I took a picture...

That is how I feel too, Trent...that is how I feel too!

It's 2:06...you think that is too early for a cocktail...a very big, very strong, glass of Mommy juice?!