You Have Two Legs, Don't You?

My husband...I love him but sometimes I just want to wring his neck!

Mark came home early today because he had to take the new Rzr back to the dealership to replace a part that he bent the one time he took it for a spin last weekend! When he was gone, I began to make dinner. Trent was finger painting at the kitchen table quietly while Jagger sat in the Bumpo next to me, happily watching me chop away. I turned my back to him so that I could put something on the stove when I heard Jagger let one rip. I spun around quickly just in time to hear him grunt and see poo shoot out of his diaper, hit his foot and land on the counter. That damn Bumpo is cursed! Jagger will poo in it every single time he is in it and today was no exception. I am not even quite sure how it shot out the way that it did but it was disgusting and kind of laughable.

Jagger is so chunky that I have a hard time getting him out of the Bumpo. I had to rest his upper body against my own, hold the chair down and pull. As his lower body popped out of the seat like a sausage out of a casing, his legs smacked into my cute, clean shirt and needless to say, the yellow stuff was all over me, not to mention, pooled in the chair. 

Naturally, mere minutes after everyone and everything was cleaned up, Mark walks in the door! We had a good laugh as I recited the story and we sat down to eat. Mark laughed even harder when I told him that that was the third time that Jagger had an explosion in that chair today! 

We put Jagger in his Bumpo and dug in to our plates. Seconds later, we hear an explosion come from Jagger's direction. We stared at the baby as his face turned beet red and he proceeded to grunt and push. Mark instantly looked at me and told me that I better snatch the baby out of the chair before his mess escapes his diaper. I laughed and told him to grab the baby. After all, I had just said that I had cleaned up three explosions in one day! 

Fast forward to bed time. I had just cleaned up the dinner mess, scrubbed my shower which was a complete mess, given Jagger a bath, brushed Trent's teeth and begun to nurse the baby on the couch next to Mark and Trent when Trent asked for a glass of water. Mark said, "Hey, Tianna. Trent wants water." If looks could kill, he would be dead! Mark was just sitting on the couch, watching T.V. with Trent, yet he was telling me to get Trent water! What did I do...I pried Jagger off, stood up and got Trent the requested water but not before saying, "You have two legs, don't you?" Okay, okay, so it was a bitchy comment to make but I couldn't help it!

After Trent drank his water, I handed the baby off to Mark and picked Trent up so that I could put him to bed. Mark refuses to put Trent to bed. He loves to cuddle him before he goes to sleep but he hates actually placing Trent in his crib. So, I sang Trent his songs, tucked him in and lined up his stuffed animals just like he likes. I got back to the couch, finished nursing Jagger, put him to bed and grabbed my computer so that I could work on my manuscript (the evenings are the only time I have a chance to edit). I opened the document and heard Trent grunting through the monitor. I grabbed it and saw that Trent was going to the bathroom. Mark laughed but didn't budge! I sighed, set my computer to the side and went into Trent's room to change his diaper and put him back to bed.

After that was done, I sat back on the couch and began to work on my book, excited to relax for a minute before I am too tired and want to go to bed. About ten minutes after I got to work, Trent's little voice sings through the monitor. Surprised that he still wasn't asleep, I grabbed the monitor and saw that Trent had thrown everything out of his crib and was...NAKED! What the heck? I handed the monitor to Mark and asked if he could see Trent's buns or if I was losing it. He smiled, looked at the screen and confirmed that he was naked. He then handed the monitor back to me and continued to poke around on the ipad. Clearly, he had no intent of fixing the situation! 

What did I do? I got up of course! I dressed Trent and put him back to bed but not before asking Mark once more if he had two legs! Naturally, as I smart mouthed to him, I stepped on a toy that he left on the ground from when he played with Trent earlier this evening and it slide down the side of my ankle and cut me! Yup, I am now bleeding! 

I know that my husband works hard all day and I love him dearly but sweet mother, you would think that he has two broken legs when he gets home because other than lotion Trent after his bath, he does nothing! I suppose that is how it should be but it would be nice to have some help every once in awhile! 

I better go to bed right now before any of the men in my life need their butts wiped! Night!