If you have read my blog before, you know that I am not the biggest fan of Walmart, mostly because my son usually makes a spectacle of himself there and because all of the old people find it necessary to touch my children's faces which annoys the you know what out of me. I swore that after the last Walmart incident, I would not return again and I have held fast to that promise for the last few months. Well, I broke down and went this morning because I was in need of camping accessories that they carry there and unfortunately, my trip was eventful as always.
I brought a purse full of distractions for the Trent Monster, one of which was a toy truck. I handed it to him as I searched the car for my favorite baby carrier of the moment only to discover that my dear husband took it out last night and packed it for our trip this weekend. So, I was beyond frustrated to see that the only carrier he left for me was the one that is quite difficult to put on by myself. After much wrangling, I got Jagger situated on my chest and Trent was happily playing with his truck in the cart. Mistake number one was that I gave him his truck too early because he was over playing with it by the time we got inside of the store.
I calmly told him that he had to be a good boy while mommy shopped very fast. I had my list in hand as I began to book it through the store. Trent soon began to toss the truck out of the cart over and over again. Mistake number two was that I didn't take the truck away from him after the third, or even the second time he hurled that damn truck out of the cart. After what seemed like the 100th time of throwing the truck (in reality it was probably the sixth time) of the cart, I told him that if he threw his truck one more time, I was taking it away for good. What did he do? He looked me straight in the eyes and threw the truck once more. I swear, that kid tests me 1,000 times per day. So, I bent down to pick up the stinking truck only to hear the unmistakable sound of cloth ripping. Yup, my pants split from crotch to butt cheek. Let me preface this by saying that my husband recently asked me why I was still wearing my maternity jeans when I have been able to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans since I gave birth. I tried to explain that I loved my maternity jeans because they were so comfortable only to have Mark give me a look like "you need to pack them away with the rest of your maternity clothes."
This morning, I took his advice and broke out my favorite old pair of jeans. You know the kind of jeans I'm talking about. You've had them for years and can't bear to throw them away because they are just so soft and comfy. Those are the jeans I put on this morning. I've had them so long that they are worn in various places but I can't manage to throw them away. Well, apparently I should have thrown them out a long time ago because those suckers split. I instantly threw my hand down toward my crotch to feel how bad the tear was and all I felt was the skin of my inner thigh and my butt cheek. I was beyond mortified but what could I do? It took me two seconds to realize that I had to jam even more quickly through the store and get my shopping done. It took me two more seconds to realize that I could be one of those people in the "People of Walmart" Photos that I often get emailed to me from my crazy friends. I am hoping that the only thing that distinguishes me from those trashy people is the fact that my rip was not intentional...at all. I did not go to the store thinking, "Damn, I look good with my ass cheek flapping in the wind for all the world to see."
So, if by some crazy chance you do see me grace the "People of Walmart" photos, know that the rip in my pants was by accident and not on purpose ;)
What's even worse was that I was not about to drive 30 minutes out of my way to go change when I still had to go to the grocery store so that is exactly what I did. I went to Raley's and practically ran through the aisles, not even stopping to talk to those who work there like I usually do. Hopefully this is the last of my accidents today and the rest of the day will go smoothly.
Now, I'm off to toss my beloved jeans into the trash can where they belong!
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