My husband can be the sweetest, most caring, hilariously inappropriate man at times. He can make me laugh harder than anyone else can. Sometimes however, he can make me more mad that anyone else can. Today, is such a day. Today, he should be afraid to come home...very afraid.
God love him, he has this insane fear of Trent getting seriously injured on my treadmill; more specifically, he is afraid that this one cord is going to wrap around Trent's neck and strangle him. I appreciate the fact that he just wants to keep our little man safe but his paranoia about the damn treadmill has really, really gotten out of control. As with most if not all treadmills, mine has this little magnetic key that needs to be placed on the treadmill in order for it to start; the cord that dangles from this key is the cord that Mark is so afraid of. I typically leave this key in the cup holder on the treadmill. Not to mention the fact that the treadmill actually has to be turned on. Being afraid myself, that Trent would turn the treadmill on when I wasn't around, I ALWAYS turn the main power off on the back of the treadmill. Trent doesn't even know where this button is. So, in order for Trent to get the machine moving, he would have to turn on the main power button and then perfectly align the bright orange magnetic key to the little pad.
Mark has gotten mad at me several times for leaving the key where Trent could reach it. I've tried to explain to him that it isn't that big of a deal and that even if Trent were to turn on the main power button and insert the key and hit the start button which he can't even reach, and the cord were to somehow wrap around Trent's neck, it would never strangle him because the cord isn't connected into anything that would make it tighten; it would simply come off of the treadmill and the treadmill would stop moving. Whenever I finish with this explanation, Mark says that it is impossible because he doesn't know how the treadmill actually works seeing as he has never used it himself. The man has been to the gym one time in the twelve years that I have known him! He's not out of shape, he just doesn't work out.
The other night, Mark spotted the magnetic key near the treadmill and he flipped, lecturing me about how Trent could get hurt while I countered with the above explanation for the millionth time. Mark then took the bright orange key and hid it. Well, turns out he hid it so well that I can't find it, Trent can't find it and Mark can't even remember where he put it.
This morning, I took the video monitor out of Trent's room, aligned it perfectly in the family room so that I could watch the boys while I ran, hooked up my iPod, stretched, turned the power button on the machine and quickly noticed that the orange key is no where to be found. I remembered that Mark hid that flipping key. I looked everyone. I texted him and asked where he put it. After searching up and down in the place that he "thinks" he put it, I became well, pissed. I looked for that key for over an hour and cannot find it anywhere. I would have had a full work out in in the time it took me to find that damn key.
I have been on a good workout schedule. I have my routine down and he is seriously messing it up! His hiding and losing my key to the treadmill which is the only way to get it to start, is like me hiding and losing his hunting or fishing license. He would lose his mind!
Another story to illustrate the widely known fact that men are from somewhere further than Mars is an argument that he and I got into last weekend. I told him that I wanted to go tanning before our vacation. We agreed that I would go tanning and he would take the boys for a drive, to where, I haven't a clue and apparently neither did he. When I asked him, he said, "Just a drive!"
So, after Trent woke up from his nap, Mark told me to get Trent dressed, put his shoes on and change the baby's diaper all while Mark put his shoes on (this is an entirely different story altogether--I have recently complained to Mark that I am amazed that I can get myself and both boys ready before Mark is done).
I did as he asked and as I was gathering my purse to leave he tells me to pick up a pizza for dinner. Mind you, the pizza place he likes is in another town and in the completely opposite direction than my tanning place. I point this out to him and his response is to just find another tanning place in the other city. I had to laugh! After I finished laughing at him, I told him that he is going for a drive and since he wasn't going any place in particular, he could take his drive over to the pizza place seeing as he is the one who wanted the pizza in the first place. He began to argue with me. He couldn't believe that I would ask him to do an errand while he was "babysitting" his kids. I couldn't believe he wanted me to drive in two totally different directions when he was planning on driving in no specific direction himself. And then I understood why he was adamant about me picking up the pizza. He said, "I'm supposed to take both boys out of the car and get the pizza myself?"
And this is when I really started laughing because I have to "take both boys out of the car" about ten times a week when I run errands and we all survive. I continued laughing as I walked out of the door and into my car. He shook his head at me because he was so upset. I shook my head at him because I thought he was crazy to make such a request when it was easier for him to do it himself. I know that he thinks that my reasoning made absolutely no sense and I thought the same about him.
When they say that men and women are from two different planets, they really aren't kidding. I love my husband but sometimes I just want to ring his little neck!
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