Apparently, a Jaguar Attacked Me

Mark...Mark...Mark...

I love my husband...dearly. He is so good to me, he is the best dad and he loves me soooo much. We laugh...a lot. We have so much fun together and I can honestly say, that we love to be around each other. I love him so very much. He does however, mess up occasionally, like he did on Sunday. On Sunday, he made a big slip-up that very well could have cost him that cute little face of his (I say sarcastically, of course)!

We were all in the backyard trying to finish the huge gate he decided to install in the fence before the party. He needed an extra pair of hands so I was forced to stand for hours, hold various boards, etc. and thankfully, I had it easy. Mark had to do all of the hard work. Anyhow, after standing outside for nearly all of Sunday, my back and feet were killing me. To top it off, my belly button literally felt like it was ripping in two.

I began to rub my belly button mindlessly when Mark asked me what I was doing. I told him that my tummy was tearing in two and I lifted my shirt a little bit to show him my belly button which he hates. He has always hated my belly button! Normally, I have the "inniest of all innies" and it drives Mark crazy. I don't know why but it's a thing he has. Anyhow, now that I'm large and in charge, it has popped out and is on full display. So, I was standing in front of him and pointing to my belly button when I jokingly asked if he could see it splitting in two. He got the perturbed look on his face that he always gets when he looks at my belly button, except this time, he looked much more disgusted than usual! I looked down to see what the fuss was all about and I pointed to the one stretch mark that I got when I had Trent. I reasoned that that was why he was looking more disgusted than usual. I said, "Oh, you don't like the one stretch mark that your son graced me with days before I had him?"And this was his response.....wait for it.....

"It looks like a jaguar attacked your belly button."

The first thing that popped into my mind was that his face was about to look like a jaguar attacked it but I kept that to myself. Rather, I started inspecting my belly furiously. I asked him what he was talking about and he again said that it looked like a jaguar got to me. I was shocked. Okay, so I have one stinking stretch mark from Trent's eight and a half pound body and no new stretch marks this pregnancy (fingers crossed). I consider myself pretty darn lucky!

I immediately became very self-conscious. If he thought that one stretch mark that can barely be seen when I'm not all stretched out to the max is so bad, then what does he think about the rest of my body?! I do have to admit, however, that the comment was kind of funny. After I got over my visualization of a jaguar attacking him, I laughed...a little.

As I was getting in the shower that night, I began to examine my belly in the mirror and I thought that I looked pretty good. I don't really have that pregnancy line (yet) that I got with Trent and it looks like I swallowed a basketball. I began to wonder what in the world my dear husband was talking about and then it hit me. That dork was referring to the holes above my belly button from the piercing I got when I was a teenager (and which NEVER go away completely)! Those little holes are now stretched out all weird and horizontally...that's what he was referring to! So, I have to give it to him. Those holes do kind of look like puncture marks made from teeth...not a jaguar's jaws but maybe more like a hamster.

In any event, to you dad's out there (if any men even read this blog), it's probably best to NEVER tell a woman that it looks like she was attacked by a jaguar or any wild creature for that matter. For if you do, be prepared to look like you were attacked by that same animal yourself!