Allegedly, there's a Bear Cub on the Loose!

Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, this is the conversation I had with my husband...

Me: "Mark, I have to warn you, I'm probably going to have to sleep with my mouth wide open and I know how much you despise mouth-breathers."

Mark: "Why? Is your nose stuffed up?"

Me: "Yup."

Mark: "It's okay. I'm used to it. Every time you're pregnant you snore like a bear cub."

I whipped around so fast, I feared I gave myself whiplash. I couldn't believe it. Have I been known to occasionally have full conversations in my sleep? Yes! Do I have to get up to pee three times a night? Yup. Do I believe that I snore like a bear cub? No way!

Logically, I know that if my nose is stuffed up and I have to sleep with my mouth open, I'll snore but no woman, especially a pregnant one, wants to be told that she sounds like a bear cub!

When I was pregnant with Trent, I had cold-like symptoms throughout my entire pregnancy. I even developed a cough from month five until the second Trent popped out of me. The cough actually became so strong that during labor, the doctor told me to cough rather than push because there was more progress with coughing than my meager hunching and scrunching. Thus, approximately fifteen minutes after I started to push and about four or five coughs later, Trent was pulled out and into this world.

Back to my alleged snoring...I refuse to believe that I snore, much less like a bear cub. And, if I do, then Mark snores like a tiger attacking a gazelle on some South African plain. Apparently, between the two of us, it's like animals attack in our bedroom and not in a good way!

Now, I'm off to bed but I still refuse to believe that I snore like a bear cub. I maintain that such an animal is not on the loose!

Terrible Two's...Already?!

To all you parents out there: you know those moments when your child gives you a big, sloppy open-mouthed kiss for no reason? When your little angel hugs you so tight you can feel the love he or she has for you? When you stare at your child and tears come to your eyes because you don't know how can you love anyone any more and you cannot imagine your life without your child? Well, yesterday was not one of those days!

Trent is 18 months old and we really have been blessed with a pretty well-behaved little man. He never has cried much. He often plays in complete contentment by himself.  All in all, he has been a pretty great baby. Alas, I fear those days are over and that the Terrible Two's have officially arrived.

Almost over night, my perfect angel has turned into a, dare I say it, MONSTER! Although he understands the word "no," he chooses to completely disregard it and he knows when he is doing something that he is not supposed to be doing! It truly is amazing. Yesterday, he threw his oatmeal on the wall and said, "bad boy!" Every time I took something away that he is not supposed to have or told him "no," he would try to hit me! I was shocked!

When I thought he was watching Super Why like a good little boy while I was getting ready, he decided to suck up his entire zippy cup of chocolate milk, spit it into a bowl and then dump the contents on the couch! That's what I get for leaving him unattended for an entire three minutes...he sure showed me.

We had to make our way to Target where he normally sits in the cart without making a peep. Ha! He thought it was a great idea to screech at the top of his lungs the entire time we were there. He wasn't upset nor was he crying; he just wanted to yell and then laugh each time he did it. I received glares. I received eye rolls. I was THAT person! It was so embarrassing. He would then reach into the back of the cart, pick up whatever his little mitts could reach and then chuck it to the ground.

After we arrived home, I was putting groceries away and apparently, he retrieved two K-cups behind my back and quietly snuck off to his room. I heard his music station chirping along merrily so I thought all was well...that was, until I began to smell the strong stench of coffee with my Spidey-pregnancy nose. I rushed to his room and saw that he had decimated the two K-cups and spread the grinds all around his room.

The above happenings were not even a quarter of the trouble my monster created yesterday. Between his constantly turning the oven off so that dinner took twice as long to cook and him opening up the floor registers to throw whatever is in his reach down there, he was a terror. The scary thing is how quickly he actually gets into trouble! It's not as if I leave him unattended all day long, kids are just that fast. He actually reduced me to tears! I've tried time-outs, swatting of his hands and even spanking, which I fear is the cause of his trying to hit me! I can't take him outside to burn off energy because it's too cold here right now and I can't even take him to his normal play center because it's closed this week.

So, here I am, sipping my tea while I eyeball my son. As I watched him staring at the bookshelf, clearly doing recon, I call his name. He then looks at me with this completely mischievous little glare before he flashes me the best smile he has and runs away. He is up to something, I just know it!

I have to go........!!

The First Trimester is Nearly Complete

I had my 12 week appointment last week and my doctor, who is possibly the world's greatest OBGYN, said that everything is looking great. Mark and I were able to see two little legs kicking furiously and the baby's hands rub it's little alien-looking head. Now that we are out of the woods, we officially announced the pregnancy via what else... Facebook of course (to which my husband filled his blue eyes dramatically--he is not a fan)! We had already told our immediate family and very close friends our wonderful news but it was fun to tell everyone else.

All in all, it has been a really easy first trimester. I have had very little nausea which is such a difference from when I was pregnant with Trent. I am telling myself that this means it is a girl even though I know there is no correlation to nausea and gender! Other than been bloated and tired, I feel pretty darn good. I lift my bottle of water as I cheers myself and toast to two more such easy trimesters and a healthy baby!

Ten Pound Boulders

For those of you who know me, you know that I tend to say what is on my mind and over-share a bit. Thus, this blog should come as no surprise because it is about boobs. If you do not wish to hear all about how a pregnant woman's boobs change during the course of pregnancy, I warn you....stop reading now!! If you are brave enough to read my description, please continue...

After I became pregnant with Trent, my mother bought me a wonderful book entitled Pregnancy Day by Day. At that time, my pseudo sister-in-law, Tanya, was flipping though the pages and gasped aloud. I was shocked to see the look on her face...it screamed mortification...it screamed repulsion...it screamed disgust. I asked her what was wrong and she pushed the book across my mom's countertop and pointed to the page without looking further. I glanced down and was a bit shocked myself. The picture on the page was of a woman squeezing her lactating nipple and milk was literally shooting out of her like a water pistol. I understood Tanya's disgust because no one really wants or needs to see such a thing. Wouldn't a simple blurb about how milk can shoot out with some impressive distance if tweaked just right been sufficient? Apparently not. Apparently, photographic evidence was required. 

Even though I am not yet at the point of lactation, some interesting things are happening with my boobs. For instance, they feel like they weigh a good ten pounds. I was almost tempted to plop them down on a scale to see if I am correct but even I have my limits. Anyhoo, they are hard as rocks and resemble waterways on a roadmap in that blue veins are are now visible. I know this is all normal and part of the miracle of bringing a baby into this world, but I miss my old boobs! Most know that a woman's boobs that have been pulled on and bit by a breastfeeding child are never quite the same but some people may know that the changes began during pregnancy. For my friends out there who have yet to experience the often times painful but insanely special bond of breastfeeding, take one last look in the mirror and cherish your perky boobs for they may never be the same again :)

Hey Mr. Sandman...care to bring me a dream?

For those of you who have yet to push an eight pound baby out of your lady bits (or had your stomach sliced open via a C-section), you may not know that sleep deprivation starts shortly after you peer down at those two gloriously bright pink lines on your pregnancy test and NOT after that little bundle of joy actually enters the world and is safely in your arms. When I found out that I was pregnant with my son, I turned to my husband and said, "Babe, we have eight more months left to enjoy peaceful, uninterrupted sleep." So, imagine my surprise when I began waking up to pee two or three times per night within days of my positive pregnancy test. I wanted to scream, "This isn't fair!! Not yet!! The baby isn't even here yet!!" After a skim through What to Expect When You Are Expecting, I discovered that frequent urination in the beginning is due to a growing uterus, not to mention baby.

Well, my lack of sleep from this pregnancy is catching up with me already. Not only am I exhausted as is common during the first trimester, but I'm so stinking tired because I can't stop peeing in the middle of the night! I've tried not drinking water hours before I am planning on going to sleep and that doesn't even work. Alas, I am resigned to the fact that even though my little monster has been sleeping through the night for the last seven months, my sleepless nights have begun again and if this baby is like Trent, those nights will probably continue for the next 18 months or so.

So, for all of you woman out there who are on the cusp of getting pregnant, let me give you this little piece of advice:  even though a baby is worth everything your body goes through for nine months, ENJOY those last few uninterrupted eight hours of sleep! Enjoy those dreams, even the nightmares, because it means that you are actually sleeping long enough to dream :) Thus, sleep tight my friends and think of me when you wake up from that restful night of slumber!

I'm bloated people...not showing!

I'm so bloated. I have no doubt that at this very moment, I could go into a pool and be used as a flotation device for a small family. If one were to stick a pin in me, I would deflate and sputter away like a popped balloon. Combined with the fatigue and nausea, I feel pretty crappy.

I was always surprised to hear that others showed as early as seven or eight weeks with their second pregnancy. I had my doubts upon hearing such proclamations but now, my suspicions are now and forever confirmed....to all the second time moms out there, unless you're having sextuplets, you are not showing, you are just bloated! The baby is the size of a raspberry for crying out loud, so again, I must say, you are not showing!!

So, for those of you, and you know who you are, who have touched my belly upon hearing that I am pregnant and said, "I thought you were pregnant because you're showing," I must inform you, I am NOT showing, I am insanely, ridiculously, and uncontrollably bloated but thank you for making me feel as crappy as I feel!